"Stop trying to change me- just love me!"
There was a time when I thought that I would never try changing someone and just let them be as they are in this world. Unfortunately, I have blindsided myself into thinking that I would do anything but try to change others. Constantly comparing and judging from afar is not only what I do but what has become a hobby- to pick out the different flaws and faults of strangers, dissecting them into categories where I place them predetermined. It is more of something that is about me then what seems to be wrong or at fault with others. Self esteem issues clouded by prejudice and the thought that life is going to happen. Life does not just happen. People have the exact life that they want....if not, they why not do something about it?
Watching students trying to let osmosis take hold of their Sunday, as they push back cups of caffeine, they are concentrating on the tomorrow of tests, papers, and the ever approaching mid semester where their very existence begins to come into perspective. A time in their lives where they are making it or are going to spiral out of the institution that is sucking out their youth and naivety.
At this point, a mid semester spring in a Berkeley coffee shop off San Pablo my partner and I sat together working on another such Sunday afternoon. The rich aroma of freshly roasted coffee and warm cinnamon buns hung in the air. Indie music canvased the scene of graduate students and middle aged hippies engrossed in their literature and laptops. He turned to me and said, "Stop trying to change me- just love me." It was a flat statement with no follow up. I had been criticizing him all week about every tiny detail from his appearance to the way he talked to his friend on the phone. Taken aback to this sudden pent up reaction, I made no response as he went back to his writing. I continued to stare blankly at him, "I'm sorry" was the only response that came. Leaning over, he kissed my forehead then reached out to hold my hand as he continued to work. He loved me for who I was, and for who I tried to be for him. Unconditionally for all my faults, he loved me.
Watching students trying to let osmosis take hold of their Sunday, as they push back cups of caffeine, they are concentrating on the tomorrow of tests, papers, and the ever approaching mid semester where their very existence begins to come into perspective. A time in their lives where they are making it or are going to spiral out of the institution that is sucking out their youth and naivety.
At this point, a mid semester spring in a Berkeley coffee shop off San Pablo my partner and I sat together working on another such Sunday afternoon. The rich aroma of freshly roasted coffee and warm cinnamon buns hung in the air. Indie music canvased the scene of graduate students and middle aged hippies engrossed in their literature and laptops. He turned to me and said, "Stop trying to change me- just love me." It was a flat statement with no follow up. I had been criticizing him all week about every tiny detail from his appearance to the way he talked to his friend on the phone. Taken aback to this sudden pent up reaction, I made no response as he went back to his writing. I continued to stare blankly at him, "I'm sorry" was the only response that came. Leaning over, he kissed my forehead then reached out to hold my hand as he continued to work. He loved me for who I was, and for who I tried to be for him. Unconditionally for all my faults, he loved me.
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